Motherhood

Hanggang Sa Muli (Post-Mother’s Day Entry)

Madilim ng langit at kay lamig ng hangin;

Waring nagbabadya ng bagyong paparating.

May hinapuhap ang aking mga mata;

Ang aking mga matang may bakas pa ng luha.

Sisinghap-singhap.

Ulo’y napayukayok.

Hinagpis ay abot langit.

Pighati’y di marurok.

Ilang taon na nga ba ng ika’y lumisan?

Ang dalampung taon ay kay bilis na lumipas.

Ilang taon na nga simula ng magpaalam?

Ang aking lungkot ay sadyang di maparam.

Sing’ dilim ng langit at sing’ lamig ng hangin;

Ang bawat araw na di kita kapiling.

Nakisama ang langit sa ‘king pangungulila;

Paalam na Inay. ‘Gang sa muling pagkikita.

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Embracing Motherhood

After another week of habitual idleness in blogosphere, it feels good to slip back into the old routine, blogging.  I’ve been away for quite a while not because I don’t have the urge to write again or could have been experiencing another writer’s block. I have a lot of things to share with you guys—like my visit in the Philippines, my kids’ impish yet amusing behaviors, their mixed emotions towards their migration to Singapore (oh yeah! they are here already), etc.—so much to tell you that I don’t know which topic do I start first. It’s just that since we got back here in SG, kids have stolen my private moments with the computer and assumed its ownership. The only time I can use the computer is while they’re still asleep or when I haggle with them so I must really make the most of  it. 😥

Continue reading this entry…


Sisters

Pasensya na po sa paudlot-udlot na pagsibita ko sa inyong mga bahay. Ako po ay kasalukuyang nagpapakadalubhasa sa paghahanap ng trabaho dahil masyado na akong pine-pressure ni Gard. Buti na lang, I’m flexible and I can handle pressure. If my abilities meet the need 🙂

Salamat po sa lahat ng mga bumati sa akin noong nakaraang Mother’s Day. Yes, oo, affirmative. Ako po ay isa ng Nanay, Mama, Inang, Mummie. And I’m a proud mother of two pretty girls like me. Marahil ay nagtataka kayo kung baka hindi ko man lamang sila naikukuwento. Tulad ni Gard ay pinili ko rin na ‘wag muna silang banggitin dito dahil sa personal na kadahilanan. Pero ngayon ay kukuwentuhan ko na kayo tungkol sa aking future beauty queens. Mayo pa naman so ito ay buwan pa rin ng mga ina kaya kuwentong nanay muna ulit tayo. 😀

Maikokonsidera pa ring bata ang aking edad ng ako ay maging mommy (21 lamang ako noon). Aksidente pero ito ang pinakamagandang aksidenteng nangyari sa akin. Year 1996 ng isang munting prinsesa ang dumating sa buhay namin ni Gard na nagpaikot ng husto sa aming mundo. Bata pa kami noon at parehong walang alam sa buhay pero si “Ate” ang nagpatatag sa bonding namin. She’s a shy little girl pero sobrang appreciative. Kahit maliit na bagay na ibinigay o ginawa mo para sa kanya, maa-appreciate niya ng bonggang-bongga. Then “Bunso” came. Ate was very protective of her. Hangga’t maaari nga ay ayaw niya itong pahawakan sa hindi niya kilala. She would always kiss and embrace her little sis na nakatutuwang pagmasdan. ‘Though medyo na-outgrow na ni Ate ang pagiging protective at affectionate kay Bunso, marami pa rin silang lambingan moments.

Modesty aside but my Ate and Bunso are pretty in their own ways. Naalala ko pa noong magsimula silang mag-aral. Madalas ikuwento ng teachers nila ‘yung mga estudyanteng lalaki na may crushes sa dalawa. How one student fought with his classmate para lamang makatabi sa upuan si Bunso. Kilala sila sa buong pre-school department. At maging sa buong grade school department noong tumuntong sila ng grade school. Sabagay, maliit na private school lang naman ‘yun kaya madali rin maging popular. And both at the age of 7, nagkaroon na sila ng suitors! Hindi ako OA na nanay pero I make sure na realistic pa rin ako kaya madalas ko silang kinakausap tungkol sa ganitong issue. Gusto ko rin naman kasing ma-experience nila ang kilig without having the fear na baka mapagalitan sila. So at the age of 7, sinabihan ko na si Ate na dalhin sa bahay ang suitor niya 🙂

They’re both charming and brainy. Si Ate, madalas na kasama sa top students while Bunso is trying hard to excel too. Talagang “hard” dahil nadi-disappoint siya kapag hindi siya napapasama sa top 3 ng klase nila. Active din sila sa extra-curricular activities. Ate played volleyball at si Bunso naman ay basketball. Opo, babae po sila. Lagi rin silang kasali sa mga school programs. They both sing and dance. Si Bunso nga ay nanalo pa sa on-the-spot dancing contest kung saan ay tinanghal siyang Little Miss Bambini.

Pero hindi madaling maging nanay sa dalawang magkaibang personalidad. Kahit kasi pantay ang ipinaparamdam naming pagmamahal sa kanila, may isang pa rin nagseselos… nagtatampo. Mayroong mahirap pakiusapan… mayroon din namang nagdudunung-dunungan. Pero sa kabila ng kanilang mga flaws, walang UNA  sa pagmamahal at walang SECOND BEST. Sinisiguro namin na anuman ang hindi pagkakaunawaan between them at maging ang mga tampo nila sa amin ni Gard ay agad na naiko-communicate. Lalo na ngayon na nasa adolescent stage na si Ate. Natuto na kami ni Gard mula sa mga experience namin sa aming mga magulang. Pareho kasing hindi communicative ang parents namin kaya kahit na nandito kami at sila ay nasa Pinas pa, madalas pa rin kaming mag-usap at mag-chat.:)

Alam ko na mahaba pa ang bubunuhin ko sa pagpapalaki kay Ate at Bunso. Sana ay maging successful ako. Buti na lang at madaling makihalubilo at sakyan ang kanilang ugali at kakulitan dahil halos para lang kaming magkakapatid. (‘wag na kayong umangal… hehehe) At excited na ako dahil malapit nang dumating ang araw na magkakasama-sama na ulit kami 🙂


It’s Too Damn Late

It was 18 years ago when I last saw you. Chubby, vibrant and so full of life. You’re sociable you’ve made a lot of friends, old and young alike. That’s why you were envied by most, too.

I remember the sound of your laugh, especially when you’re teasing your friends. Makulit ka rin kasi na tulad ko. I remember the day you fought with our neighbor, that woman who used to own a sari-sari store. You fought with her because she scolded me when I bought the wrong laundry soap. I remember the night you waited for me at the school’s main gate. That was the night of my prom and you asked me to come home before 10 P.M. I remember your voice when you’re angry, and we’re all scared. Whenever you called me by my full name, I knew you were already mad and I had to run towards you as fast as I could. I remember every hit of Tatay’s belt on my skin. That was your favorite tool and the marks would usually stay until the next day.

I remember the time when the strongest earthquake hit our country in July 1990. You helped bring some of your colleagues to the hospital because they collapsed due to shock. A few weeks after, you got sick. I remember how stupid I was for ignoring all the signs; how ungrateful I was for leaving your side when you had fever. I remember how you would softly call me “anak“, because you wanted me to comb your hair so I would see your falling hair. I remember the day you showed me your bruises all over your body. All black and blue. I asked you why and you just said you need to be hospitalized. I was 15 and naive, I didn’t ask further. I remember the day you asked me to be at your side when you see the doctor. You wanted me to hear every word he’d say. I thought you’re just overreacting so I didn’t listen. If only I knew, I’d stay and held your hand tightly. You were a picture of a strong person despite your illness kaya hindi ako natakot o nangamba. I remember the day you were brought to the hospital, you were crying to tatay and you said you couldn’t see anymore. You were fighting for your life for four long days. My siblings and I were not allowed in the hospital. All we could do is to listen to our relatives’ conversations. Until one day, one of our neighbors picked us up at home. She was crying while we’re heading to the hospital. And when we were stopped by the hospital’s security guard, I heard her murmured “Malubha na lagay ng nanay nito. Kailangan na silang makita“. I got scared, not realizing that my hands were all shaky. I began to cry and when we reached your room, all your friends and our relatives were there, weeping. Your nanay was there, too, and she was was wailing hard. Yeah, your best friend was also there, not leaving your side. She was crying too and she was holding your hand. At the time, I wished I was her. She asked me to come near you and talk to you, whisper anything in your ear. Hindi ka na daw kasi makapagsalita. You wouldn’t open your eyes. Sabi niya pa, you’ve been asking for me since you got to the hospital. You were telling stories about me and my stubborness; how much you loved me and my siblings. Inilaglag mo ako ng bonggang-bongga. Gusto ko sanang mainis sa’yo pero hindi ko nagawa. So I sat beside you and whispered, “Nanay, eto na ako. Si Enjoy.” I saw how you were trying to open your eyes, and when you saw me, tears fell down from your eyes. Exactly one month after the earthquake, you gave up fighting. I couldn’t forget the people who cried because they lost a very special friend. I couldn’t forget tatay’s face because she lost not only a wife but also a friend. I couldn’t forget how hurt my siblings were because we lost a mother. I couldn’t forget the number of people who attended your burial. You were like a celebrity! That day I realized how much you were loved. Most especially, I couldn’t forget your smile when you heard my voice despite the agony that you’re experiencing.

I miss you Nanay… so much. Kung kaya ko lang ibalik ang oras and be a good daughter to you, I would. But it’s too late. It’s too damn late.

nanay

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