May Inspirasyon Ka Ba?

I Believe
Fantasia

♪ I believe in the impossible
If I reach deep within my heart
Overcome any obstacle
Won’t let this dream fall apart ♪

Good day everyone!! Ako po si Joycee galing sa joyceish.com at narito po ako para aliwin kayo habang si Ate Enjoy ay naaaliw sa Facebook. Isa lamang po sya sa napakadaming bloggers na nawawala sa ating mundo dahil naaliw sa Facebook.🙂

Pero Facebook o Tumblr nga ba ang dahilan baket nawawala ang mga bloggers??

I am pretty sure that every blogger has experienced this.

You want to create a new blog post dahil medyo madami-dami na ang comments sa last post mo, ilang araw na din naman ang nakalipas kaya sa tingen mo, it’s time to publish a new post. You already have an idea what to post, you type some words, backspace, type ulet, bura… arghhhhhhhhhh! In the middle of the post, you run out of words, so nagdecide ka na wag nalang magpost.

Matanong nga kita, what inspires you to blog??? What’s driving you to write?? Kung ako ang tatanungin, madame akong masasabi, madame akong maisasagot pero syempre hindi ibig sabihin nyan eh lagi akong may maisusulat.

So ngayon, ipapakilala ko sa sila sa inyo, the people who inspire me to blog.🙂

The people I hate. Let’s be honest here. Hinde lahat ng inspiration ay positive. Simulan na naten sa mga hinde magaganda, wehehehe. We all know na nakakatulong ang blog naten to rant about the things we dislike, the people we hate. We can say ALL the bad things that we wanna tell ’em even without telling it to ’em directly. On my part, it helps me express my anger, pero after nun, nagiging okay na din ako.🙂

 

My special friends. We all have friends. Pero there are certain friends na we consider special, those who have left a special mark in our lives, maybe they’ve helped us in one way or another, or they’ve been with us in our down-est times, o yung matagal na nateng nakakasama. I don’t wanna drop names, kase baka magselos ang iba kong friends, nyahahaha. But if I am blogging about you, that means you are one of them.🙂

 

My blogger friends. Believe it or not, I haven’t thought na this blogging thing will help me gain good friends. Dati, I don’t really believe in online friendship, I don’t find it sincere. Pero when I met Helena, my perspective has changed. As I always say, we were inseparable, na kahit hinde ko sya nakikita at nakakasama, I can feel the sincerity whenever we are talking. I can feel the concern, the love, and her words taught me a lot about life. Her life stories inspired me, and I know mine inspired her, too. *Weh di nga??

Helena became my best friend, pero it did not hinder me from meeting other blogger friends. A lot of bloggers come to me and say, “Joycee, please pray for me..” At napakasarap sa pakiramdam kapag ganyang mga panahon dahil alam mong may tiwala sila sa’yo. I believe na may mission ako for being in the blogosphere, and as times go by, as I meet more bloggers and hear their stories, nakikita ko na it is my mission to encourage them, to bring them up whenever they’re feeling down, to shower them with loving words and most especially, to ensure them that God loves them.🙂

 

My family. They are the people who have been with me since I was born, sila ang kasama ko nung natuto akong magbasa, maglaba, maghugas ng pinggan, mang-away, maglaro ng piko, at kung anu-anu pang gawain sa buhay. Sila yung mga taong kahit anong hirap ng buhay eh magagawa mo pa ding tumawa at balikan ang mga magagandang pangyayari sa buhay, na kahit minsang nakakainis din sila, hinde mo magawang magalit ng sobra sa kanila, dahil kadugo mo pa rin yan eh, at hinde yan binigay ng Diyos sa’yo para kamuhian mo, kundi para makasama mo sa hirap at ginhawa.

 

My Kenneth. Sa maniwala kayo o hinde, he’s one of the reasons why I created my blog and why I am blogging until now. I did create my blog after my break-up with my then-boyfriend, but I was also hoping na this can be a way to express my love for Kenneth at that time. Kung medyo naguguluhan kayo, I will tell you. I will make kwento my love story, our story. This will be the very first time that I will be publishing this, so I hope you guys won’t mind. Ngayon, if you are not interested, payn!! *wahahaha biglang napunta daw dun ang kwento.🙂

I met Kenneth way back 2006 nung na-assign ang tatay ko sa church nila dito sa Imus, Cavite. My father is a Protestant Pastor at nalilipat sya ng destino every now and then, and everytime that happens, sumasama kame sa tatay ko, kaya sanay kameng palipat-lipat. At that time, I had a boyfriend. My relationship with him was on the rocks nung 2007, and during those times, Kenneth was there. Isipin niyo nang malandi ako but I don’t care, I broke up with my boyfriend ’cause I thought I was falling in love with Kenneth and I don’t wanna be unfair to him. Kenneth & I tried to be with each other if we can work things out, but since things were very complicated at that time, unfortunately, it didn’t work out.

Nagkasamaan kame ng loob, nasaktan ako, alam kong nasaktan ko din siya. Pero we still managed to stay friends after that. My ex-boyfie tried to win me back and after a few months, we got back together. Pero we were never able to fix our relationship. Everytime we had an argument, lage nyang pinapaalala na iniwan ko sya dahil kay Kenneth. I tried to make it up to him pero he couldn’t get over with the past. I got fed up, so May 2008, I decided na lumayo muna, but I didn’t break it off. June 2008, two days before my birthday, he wanted to meet up with me. I thought he wanted to fix everything and start anew, but no, he told me that was the end, ’cause he’s got a new girlfriend.

It was my worst birthday ever. Karma is indeed a bitch! All my mistakes haunted me and I have realized I have never been a good girlfriend to him. I have decided that if I wanted him to be in my life, I will fight for him, and yes, I did. I tried to take him back, I did a lot of crazy things to make him be with me again. Twice ko syang pinuntahan sa office nya, I talked to his friends, I talked to his family, I apologized to his mom. Umiyak ako ng bonggang-bongga! Pero I can clearly remember the word of his mom, “Kung kayo, kayo talaga. Hayaan mo nalang muna sya. Basta wag ka muna mag-aasawa ha?”

I assessed myself. What have gone wrong?? What’s wrong with me?? At that time, only Jhen, my best buddy, was there for me. Wala akong matakbuhan. She helped me went through the things that have happened. She helped me recover, I helped myself, too. I decided to do things I have never done before. I entered the ministry of singing. Doon ko nakasama at nakilala pa lalo si Kenneth, bukod pa sa pagtuturo namen ng Sunday School together. I got to know him better, and Jhen made me realize na my love for him was never lost. Baket?? Because everytime we talk and see each other, wala daw akong ibang bukang-bibig kundi si Neto, mukha na daw akong Neto.

I got really confused. Kase kung mahal ko si Kenneth, baket ako nakipagbalikan sa ex ko? Baket sobra akong nasaktan when he broke up with me?? Hanggang ngayon hinde ko pa din alam ang sagot. Pero wala na kong balak alamin. Feeling ko ang tanga-tanga ko, dahil hindi ko naintindihan ang sarili ko. So I created my blog, para mailabas lang ang mga gumugulo sa utak ko. Kung babalikan mo ang mga unang blogposts ko, sobrang walang kakwenta-kwenta. Sabagay hanggang ngayon naman, wala pa din kwenta nyahaha.

When I created my blog, I only have three readers. Jhen, my churchmate Kerby (na bihira lang din magbasa) at si Kenneth. Sila yung mga walang sawang nagbabasa at sinamahan ako sa paglago ng blog ko. Sa mga panahong nakakasama ko si Kenneth at nakikilala sya lalo, naramdaman kong he’s making me really happy. So nung October 16, 2008, I realized that I am still inlove with him, thus I created this post.

Months went by and my love for him became deeper and deeper. Masaya lang ako kapag andyan siya, pero hanggang dun nalang yun. As a girl, wala akong magawa but just to keep my feelings within me, ’cause I wasn’t really sure if he felt the same way, too. It was December of 2008 when he decided to enter the blogworld. I did encourage him to create his blog, pero at the back of my mind, ayoko din. Kase panibagong mundo na naman ‘to na makakasama ko sya at makakausap ng madalas, pero sabi ko, bahala na!! Napalapit na din sya sa ilang mga blogger friends ko, he created his own identity in the blogosphere, at syempre naging good friends din sila ni Helena.

There was one time na napagdesisyunan kong layuan na si Kenneth, dahil alam ko naman na he never really loves me, so why bother? What’s the point of loving someone kung dine-deadma ka lang naman niya diba? Sinubukan kong iwasan sya, pero mahirap pala. A few days after, he asked Helena baket naging mailap ako, he knew at that time, na umiiwas ako. And he asked me directly why. So I had the courage to tell him everything, that I do love him but I just needed time to go away, but he didn’t want me to do so, he just wants me to stay and be friends with him. At sya nga po ang nagbigay saken ng disconnection letter.

I continued loving him, as if naman kaseng matatanggal ko yun, kahit alam kong he will never ever love me back. Hinihintay ko nalang ang pagkakataong malayo ako sa kanya, at siguro makakalimutan ko din sya. I dated other guys, I was on full-flirt mode, pero hinde pala yun ang solusyon. It all didn’t work out.

There were times na iritang-irita na ko sa kanya, dahil minsan may mga ugali syang kinakainisan ko talaga! Helena knew na ang gusto ko nalang isipin ay ang mga bad traits niya para I can totally hate him na. Pero hinde eh, natatabunan pa din yun lage ng good traits niya and everytime he looks at me, wala na, talo na naman ako. Naiisip ko pa nga nun na kapag naging kame, malamang hinde din magwork dahil ilang beses na din kameng nagkasamaan ng loob at hinde nagpansinan.

A few months before my birthday, I decided na babawi ako sa sarili ko this year. I will make this my best birthday ever. I celebrated it with all of my friends and loved ones. You may check my month-long bday celebration here kung hinde mo pa nakikita. At sa celebration ko with my colleagues, isinama ko si Kenneth. But days before that, he told me na may sasabihin syang importante saken sa celebration ko. Medyo nabother ako dahil baka sasabihin na niya na may girlfriend na sya or whatever. Mabigat sa dibdib kase nagkasabay-sabay ang mga problema ko at that time. Nasa ospital ang kapatid ko nun, may problema kame sa pera, sa trabaho, and I was also bed-ridden at that time. Pero naramdaman ko talaga ang biglang pagbait ni Kenneth saken. He suddenly became very concerned about me. He took care of me nung nagkasakit ako, he even visited me at home to bring some meds, oo kinilig ako nun, pero hindi ko pa din itinatak sa utak ko na baka, baka lang, mahal na din niya ko. Inisip ko nalang na syempre magkaibigan kame kaya ganun. At yun nga, sa bday celebration ko, he told me na he loves me and he also gave me a letter telling me everything. Nagulat ako at hinde makapaniwala.

Ganun pala yun kapag dumating na yung ipinapanalangin mo, para kang lumulutang sa ere, parang panaginip, parang hindi totoo. Now that I know that Neto loves me for real, at pinapatunaayn naman niya saken yun, I guess we just have to cherish the moment. Mas ginanahan ako mag-blog, to tell the whole world na I have him with me. He might not be the best man on earth, he might not be the best boyfriend, but the fact that he loves me is enough for me to be happy.

May this be an inspiration to everyone na good things really come to those who wait. Hinde man naging kame ni Kenneth noon, we might have made a lot of mistakes in the past, pero now that we are together, we promise to help each other and correct ’em. Mahirap sabihin na kame na ang para sa isa’t-isa, pero we will try our best. I do want to spend my entire life with him, pero if it’s not His plan for us, we will wholeheartedly accept it. But as of the moment, we will cherish this gift from above, and we will serve our Master together forever.

O ikaw?? What’s driving you to blog?? Come on, tell us about it.🙂

 

__________________________

P.S.
Sorry naman na-carried-away ako sa kwento namen ni Neto. Wahahaha.

65 responses

  1. Joycee, give my regards to your Ate Enjoy.

    As to your question, my answer is: Gaya din po ng mga isinaad mo pwera kay Kenneth.

    I also derive inspirations from what I read from Phi Inquirer, NY Times, Granta and BBC.

    August 29, 2009 at 8:50 PM

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s