It’s Too Damn Late

It was 18 years ago when I last saw you. Chubby, vibrant and so full of life. You’re sociable you’ve made a lot of friends, old and young alike. That’s why you were envied by most, too.

I remember the sound of your laugh, especially when you’re teasing your friends. Makulit ka rin kasi na tulad ko. I remember the day you fought with our neighbor, that woman who used to own a sari-sari store. You fought with her because she scolded me when I bought the wrong laundry soap. I remember the night you waited for me at the school’s main gate. That was the night of my prom and you asked me to come home before 10 P.M. I remember your voice when you’re angry, and we’re all scared. Whenever you called me by my full name, I knew you were already mad and I had to run towards you as fast as I could. I remember every hit of Tatay’s belt on my skin. That was your favorite tool and the marks would usually stay until the next day.

I remember the time when the strongest earthquake hit our country in July 1990. You helped bring some of your colleagues to the hospital because they collapsed due to shock. A few weeks after, you got sick. I remember how stupid I was for ignoring all the signs; how ungrateful I was for leaving your side when you had fever. I remember how you would softly call me “anak“, because you wanted me to comb your hair so I would see your falling hair. I remember the day you showed me your bruises all over your body. All black and blue. I asked you why and you just said you need to be hospitalized. I was 15 and naive, I didn’t ask further. I remember the day you asked me to be at your side when you see the doctor. You wanted me to hear every word he’d say. I thought you’re just overreacting so I didn’t listen. If only I knew, I’d stay and held your hand tightly. You were a picture of a strong person despite your illness kaya hindi ako natakot o nangamba. I remember the day you were brought to the hospital, you were crying to tatay and you said you couldn’t see anymore. You were fighting for your life for four long days. My siblings and I were not allowed in the hospital. All we could do is to listen to our relatives’ conversations. Until one day, one of our neighbors picked us up at home. She was crying while we’re heading to the hospital. And when we were stopped by the hospital’s security guard, I heard her murmured “Malubha na lagay ng nanay nito. Kailangan na silang makita“. I got scared, not realizing that my hands were all shaky. I began to cry and when we reached your room, all your friends and our relatives were there, weeping. Your nanay was there, too, and she was was wailing hard. Yeah, your best friend was also there, not leaving your side. She was crying too and she was holding your hand. At the time, I wished I was her. She asked me to come near you and talk to you, whisper anything in your ear. Hindi ka na daw kasi makapagsalita. You wouldn’t open your eyes. Sabi niya pa, you’ve been asking for me since you got to the hospital. You were telling stories about me and my stubborness; how much you loved me and my siblings. Inilaglag mo ako ng bonggang-bongga. Gusto ko sanang mainis sa’yo pero hindi ko nagawa. So I sat beside you and whispered, “Nanay, eto na ako. Si Enjoy.” I saw how you were trying to open your eyes, and when you saw me, tears fell down from your eyes. Exactly one month after the earthquake, you gave up fighting. I couldn’t forget the people who cried because they lost a very special friend. I couldn’t forget tatay’s face because she lost not only a wife but also a friend. I couldn’t forget how hurt my siblings were because we lost a mother. I couldn’t forget the number of people who attended your burial. You were like a celebrity! That day I realized how much you were loved. Most especially, I couldn’t forget your smile when you heard my voice despite the agony that you’re experiencing.

I miss you Nanay… so much. Kung kaya ko lang ibalik ang oras and be a good daughter to you, I would. But it’s too late. It’s too damn late.




13 responses

  1. Nakakalungkot but we all know that everything has a purpose. I’m sure your mom’s very proud of you dahil sa mga na-achieve mo sa buhay.

    Godbless you! 🙂

    May 13, 2009 at 10:30 PM

  2. ang aga mo palang nawalan ng nanay. and this post, naku, muntik na akong maiyak kasi I lost my mom to sickness too.

    kung mababasa ito ng mom mo ngayon, she’ll feel proud to have you as her daughter. come to thnik of it, she’ll always proud of you, enjoy.ü

    God bless!

    May 13, 2009 at 5:22 AM

  3. AW i got teary-eyed reading this post…how sad :(( *hugs*

    This post right her inspires me to become a better daughter to my mom. Thank you for sharing this.

    God Bless you and your family.

    May 13, 2009 at 5:21 AM

    • oops i mean here *pokes my head*

      May 13, 2009 at 5:27 AM

  4. Ang lungkot… nafeel ko ang lungkot mo Enjoy. Hayysss…

    Belated happy mother’s day!

    May 12, 2009 at 11:04 PM

  5. sandijmartin

    waaahhh..nakakaiyak naman 🙂

    tumatagos sa kaloob looban..

    May 12, 2009 at 8:25 PM

  6. eli

    speechless ako……..

    ……………. ang galing naman ng pagkasulat mo. damang dama ko ang bawat salita. galing. i’l give you 1.0 for that. hehe

    May 12, 2009 at 1:35 PM

  7. ano ba yan..

    kakabalik ko lang sa blogosphere eh…

    nahipo agad ako!! 😦

    May 12, 2009 at 11:50 AM

  8. im sure wherever ur mom is… she’s very proud of you! 🙂

    anyways, happy mother’s day to you 🙂 and to your mom…

    May 11, 2009 at 12:10 PM

  9. AC

    pero seryoso, naiyak ako while reading your entry. and thank you, for making me realize that i should spend more time with my mom and not forget to always take care of her habang madami pa kame oras together.

    i’m sure naman, when your mom was still alive you already did your best to be a good daughter, itanggi mo man o hinde. 🙂

    May 11, 2009 at 1:09 AM

    • enjoy

      Honestly, I’ve never been a good daughter to her AC. Wala akong natandaan na naging masunurin ako sa kanya or naging mabait. I was a selfish little girl. Kaya naman ngayon ay bumabawi ako sa tatay ko sa abot ng aking makakaya. At least kahit sa tatay ko man lang 🙂

      May 12, 2009 at 11:47 PM

      • AC

        ako din. at ngayon ako ay bumabawi. pero madalas pa rin kame mag-away at magsagutan. dahil di ako sanay ng nilalambing sya. wahahha.

        binigyan ko syang bikini top kanina, kase di kasya sa kin yung isang binili ko. wahahahh! astig! 😆

        May 13, 2009 at 1:21 AM

  10. AC

    sniff sniff…

    pero sabi ko nga sayo diba, kung nasan man sya ngayon, im sure masayang-masaya sya.. lalo na at nakikita ka nyang…

    nagpapakaadik sa blog. at kita mo, ni-special mention mo pa sya dito.


    happy mother’s day ENJOY! hope you had a blast 🙂

    May 11, 2009 at 1:05 AM

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s